Codex: Diverting Jokes/zh-hans

由 Jaskel Nuch 编纂

raskvel 人 Bosh 很担心。他的朋友问他，“Bosh，怎么了？”

“Oh, it’s my new girlfriend. I really like her but... she’s a lapinara. Every time she comes over she wants to put her eggs in my butt, and I’m terrified of trying it.”

His friend leaned in. “I know a spell that will give you courage. I used it before my last job interview. Would you like me to teach it to you?”

Bosh agreed eagerly, and so his friend wrote down the spell. After a glance, Bosh set about collecting ingredients.

First he had to find a piece of parchment older than the gabilani who owned it. Then the spell required him to write “I will not fear” one hundred times, in Old Raskvel, with ink made from the oilsap of scythe trees. It cost Bosh half a month’s wages to get the paper and ink and another week’s to buy the translation to Old Raskvel runes. Next, the scrawled-on parchment had to be put in a big jug of strong liquor and soaked for two weeks. Bosh did it, though buying so much liquor used up the rest of his month’s wages. Finally, the spell required enzyme scraped from the tail of a male sydian to be added when the soaking finished. Bosh was beaten pretty badly getting the enzyme, but luckily he had the two weeks to recover. On the appointed night, he was loading a medicine dropper with enzyme when he heard a knock at his door.

“Bosh, it’s been two weeks. You said we could have sex after two weeks, and I’m really, really horny! Let me in!”

Bosh swallowed his panic. “Just a minute, I’m getting ready!” He took out his friend’s instructions and re-read them to make sure he could perform the courage spell correctly. First, he added exactly seven drops of enzyme to the liquor jug. Then he swirled the jug clockwise three times and anti-clockwise four times. Next he fished out the parchment, tore it into seven pieces, and dropped them back into the jug, just as instructed. Finally, to finish the spell, he chugged the entire jug. Then he opened the door.

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What separates a living gabilani from an empty prosthetic body?

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希望是避孕套。

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lapinara 母亲怎么知道该叫女儿们进屋了？

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没这个必要。lapinara 女孩总想进来。

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/*因过于糟糕而删去

sydian 男人为什么讨厌和灰色黏胶女孩做爱？

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黏胶女孩不会留下淤青。

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*/

为什么 gabilani 要戴锡箔做的帽子、穿锡箔做的衣服？

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为了保暖。

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一名 lapinara 正在和一名 gabilani 聊天。“你绝对想不到我今天过得有多糟。先是这样：我被捡到的那本旧书绊倒，撞出了鼻血。一伙 raskvel 听到动静，跑来因为我闯进他们的地盘而找麻烦。我不得不跑了半个小时才甩掉他们，又没法查看指南针，结果跑到了林中空地！我差点撞上镰刀树，倒退时却被一大群性爱机器人扑倒！它们肯定骑在我身上操了大半天！我的鸡巴感觉像煮熟的土豆，蛋蛋空得我的女朋友都能搬进去住了。”

gabilani 回答，“那本书还在你手里吗？”

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为什么从平原运来的块茎闻起来有霉味？

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孤独的 raskvel 女孩。

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怎样合法地跟踪一名 gabilani 女人？

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找到最近的 raskvel 商店，把她的垃圾从“打折”箱里拿出来。

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为什么不能把坏掉的性爱机器人在 raskvel 门口放一夜？

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它们会被修好。

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A lapinara comes to a party with a group of males. How do you tell which she’s dating and which are just friends?

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The one she’s dating won’t sit down.

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Two sydian women are preparing food. One turns to the other. “This reminds me, Reeka; I haven’t seen your mate at evening meal all this week. And now that I think, you’ve been distracted and you’re not wearing your mother’s choker. Don’t tell me something happened?”

“Er, yes and no,” answers Reeka. “We had an argument and I locked him in our bedchamber to cool off. I always hide the choker in there, so I can’t get to it. That was four days ago. I’ve been talking to him through the door to calm him down, but he’s still angry. I need to think of a way to get him food and water soon.”

“Reeka!” gasps her friend. “You mean to say that all this time, you’ve had a door that locks? Do you think you could store my jewelry in there too?”

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Why did nobody attend the Lapinara Sanctuary’s Grand Ball?

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Big lapinara balls make people nervous.

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What are the proper steps to prepare and serve ruskvel for a party?

First, roll the dough thin.

Second, mince the filling.

Third, wrap the filling in the dough.

Fourth, bake until brown.

Lastly, place the completed dumplings in the garbage where the raskvel guests can find them.

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Why can’t gabilani float in pools deeper than 4’5”?

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The slave’s head is below water.

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Why don’t sydian women use vibrators?

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Rusty batteries leak.

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When is a sydian girl’s pussy at its wettest?

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When it’s raining.

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A raskvel walks into her friend’s apartment and notices that there’s a dildo stuck to the wall, five feet up.

“Hey, Tyki, why’s there a dildo way up on your wall?” she asks.

Tyki glances at it. “I have a big repair job due in a week. I glued it up there so I could focus on my work.”

Her friend looks impressed. “And how’s that working for you?”

“Terribly,” Tyki answers. “My neighbor has complained about the noise twice and whenever I orgasm, I hit my head on the floor.”

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How do you tell if a gabilani woman is single?

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Two of her prosthetic fingers are rustier than the others.

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How do you tell if a gabilani man is single?

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His slave has bathed.

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Why’s it so hard to get sydians pregnant?

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Even with the women, you’re cumming inside assholes.

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What’s the largest business expense with a lapinara workforce?

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Child support.